The Seven Deadly E’s of Dating/Mating Relationships:

EGO

ENTITLEMENT

EXPECTATION

ENTERTAINMENT (instant need satisfied)

EASY/EFFORTLESS

ESCAPE/EXIT

EXTREME EMOTIONS/THOUGHTS

Quotes Used:

A Course In Miracles” by Dr Helen Schuman

“The ego establishes relationships only to get something. And it would keep the giver bound to itself through guilt. It is impossible for the ego to enter into any relationship without anger, for the ego believes that anger makes friends. This is not its statement, but it is its purpose. For the ego really believes that it can get and keep by making guilty. This is its one attraction; an attraction so weak that it would have no hold at all, except that no one recognizes it. For the ego always seems to attract through love…”

Psychology Today an article on relationships stated:  “Our culture loves to foster these notions in us. During the 1970's, McDonald's restaurants built an entire ad campaign around the slogan, "You deserve a break today." In the 1980's, another ad campaign said, "Pamper yourself with Calgon." In the 1990's, it was "You owe it to yourself to buy a Mercedes Benz." Society continues to bombard us with the message that we are such fantastic people, we are entitled to an equally fantastic way of living.  To some degree, we all have entitlement feelings. We carry around a sense of being owed for something we have done or for some wonderful trait we have. When we feel entitled, we focus on what we are owed, not what we might need to give to others. It is a "one-way street" mind-set. When these feelings are strong and people don't meet our expectations, we often find ourselves bitter, resentful, and angry. Relationships can be (and often are) destroyed by feelings of entitlement.”  

“Romantic love is the kind of love that Hollywood loves to promote as the only kind of love.  Romantic love is wonderful, easy, and effortless.   It is very spontaneous and alive. The feelings and perceptions that go through both people are that we are one; we are the same. You are perfect. I can give and receive love with little or no effort required. There is a tremendous emphasis on maximizing similarities and minimizing differences. There is a belief and expectation that you will provide most or all of my wants, needs, desires. There is generally a high degree of passion and feelings and expressions of romance come easily and often. The partners think about each other constantly, and make much eye contact and are very affectionate when they are together. Many people experience this as living in a state of near-constant bliss and infatuation. There is a belief that these feelings and experiences will go on forever, that 'we will never disagree on anything', and that somehow fate or forces larger than themselves have brought them together. 

This stage [Romantic love] generally lasts from six months to two years, and is the SHORTEST stage of any of the stages of long-term committed relationships.   (ME)  Once this stage is over, reality sets in and that’s when the REAL work of relationship begins.  Real relationship has many stages:   1) romantic, 2) adjusting to reality, 3) power struggle, 4)  reevaluation, 5) reconciliation, 6) acceptance.”  Relationship Institute, Royal Oak, MI

In Psychology Today Online, an article called “Should You Leave” by Peter Kramer reads:  “ Given that every relationship requires effort, the fact that a relationship is somewhat rocky is not in itself a sign that a couple should split. What's more important, says Peter Frankl, M.D., a psychiatrist at New York University School of Medicine, is how motivated the partners are to give each other a chance and to work out viable solutions to their particular problems. This motivation, says Frankl, is the best predictor of whether a troubled relationship will succeed. "I've been around some marriages that were on the brink of divorce," he says “When pondering whether to leave, most people retrace the history of their relationship, taking a mental inventory of the good times and the bad. But there's a hidden pitfall in this technique, notes University of Minnesota psychologist William J. Doherty, Ph.D says ‘Our problem is that our memories tend to be biased by how we're feeling at the moment. So when people are feeling pessimistic about their relationship’, says Doherty, they "unconsciously put a negative spin on everything--how they met, why they got married." And they're more likely to overlook happier times. This memory bias colors the relationship history you present to friends, family, counselors, and other confidants. So these individuals may wind up advising you to pull the plug on a relationship that isn't as bad as you've portrayed.”

Dr Steven Wolinsky in his book “Intimate Relationships: Why they do and do not work” says,  “Unrealistic expectations are the culprit in relationship problems. The further extension of this subconscious demand is not "seeing" or experiencing the partner as a human being in the present. But looking at a person as someone with whom we can resolve past hurts and wounds.  So they’d better do what we want.”

Bruce C. Hafen in Aug 2007 Ensign describes interdependence as the goal we should have in relationship:

“The modern liberationist idea that married people are independent of each other is also incorrect. It typically claims that there are no innate differences between men and women or that, even if some differences do exist, no one has the right to define gender-based roles.

In some ways, the excessive selflessness of the dependent wife allowed and perhaps even encouraged male domination. In reaction to this, the radical wing of the women’s liberation movement swung to the other extreme of independence, moving past the possibilities of interdependence. This cultural motion, and emotion, pushed some women from being overly selfless to being overly selfish—causing them to miss the personal growth that can come only from self-chosen sacrifice, which makes possible a woman’s ability to thrive from nurturing all within her circle (see John 17:19).

The concept of interdependent, equal partners is well-grounded in the doctrine of the restored gospel. Eve was Adam’s “help meet” (Genesis 2:18). The original Hebrew for meet means that Eve was adequate for, or equal to, Adam. She wasn’t his servant or his subordinate. And the Hebrew for help in “help meet” is ezer, a term meaning that Eve drew on heavenly powers when she supplied their marriage with the spiritual instincts uniquely available to women as a gender gift.”